I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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