She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
