I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize