You work out of a Hotel?
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
