Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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