On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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