my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
My breasts were aching with rage.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
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