You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
