This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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