I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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