I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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