And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
