Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Well I just put wine in my tea
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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