nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
