either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Randomize
