My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
