Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Randomize
