Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize