Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
