i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
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