when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize
