Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
