i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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