So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
