Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
