Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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