Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
