turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
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