Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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