We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
