is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
