it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
