Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Randomize
