They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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