I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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