carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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