There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
