hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
