it's too hot outside to masturbate.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
