If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
