my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Did I show you my penis last night?
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Randomize
