New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
You need Xanax blowdarts
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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