As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
