No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Randomize
