I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
