my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
