Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
