So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
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