***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Randomize
