i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I just blew my weed a kiss
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
