i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
FUCK WHALES
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize