A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
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