when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
