Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
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