ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
