In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
