Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize