friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I just sucked dick on a ferry
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
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