I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Randomize
