Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
