Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
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