im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
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