I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
