does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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