Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
