My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
He did a backflip because drugs
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