How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize