I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
