My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
