onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
No subtext here. People are naked.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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