I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
