Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
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