first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
