I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
