this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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