I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
