I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize