Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
