Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize
