At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Randomize
