just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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