hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
