why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Randomize
