Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
