I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Randomize
