when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
