Kiss
Puke
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
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