I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Randomize
