how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
