i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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