omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Randomize
