My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
