wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Send help, water and tortillas.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
