oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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