Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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