Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
