planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize