he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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