In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
