eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
