Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
