It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
