Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
