There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Randomize
