Your dad touched me again.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Randomize
