We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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