Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
