just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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