He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
