I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
