remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
